Friday, July 20, 2012

The Girl Who Cried Agent

I'm really starting to feel like the boy who cried wolf.  This time I limited the number of people I told - Five. One coworker, my two best girls, my mom and Robby.  Robby I had not intended to tell until I knew for sure, but then we were updating each other on our lives and I so wanted to finally be like, See?  You believed in me and it finally happened!  Well, now this is me telling you that it didn't.  The agent who requested the full manuscript six weeks ago emailed me an hour ago to say she didn't "connect well enough".

I've been receiving rejection letters from agents now (for three separate projects) for six years.  They never get easier.  In fact, I think they hurt exponentially more as time passes. Because you begin to think that your writing is improving.  I mean, it technically should, like anything you do, with more practice.  Right?  So I began to think, Ok, Awesome!  This is totally my time!  And then I began to dream.

Dreams, for me, are always the same thing.  I get an agent, then a book deal.  It's enough to make writing my livelihood and I can leave corporate work forever.  Huzzah!  Then I buy a fixer-upper that I can totally see the potential in even if it looks like rundown shambles at the time of purchase.  Together with my dad we gut and restore it to it's former glory and I get to decorate it either beach or rustic chic (it totally depends on the structure).  Then, and this part is the most important to me, I adopt that dog from Best Friends Animal Sanctuary that I have been checking on online every week for the past year.  Bug is standoffish at first towards the dog, because she is a little princess, while Beans is thrilled to finally have a four legged creature that will return her playful advances.  Oh and there's also a garden out back for those spring days when I get a complete writing block and feel like the only way to unearth the next chapter in the story is to literally get my hands dirty.  And then my dream life ensues.

I know I shouldn't have let the dream bloom.  I should have focused on the here and now and not looked far into the distance.  But that agent's words, "I truly enjoyed reading the excerpt you sent" planted the seed.  And, well, I have a lot of time to day dream at work.  Or on the treadmill.  Or when I'm trying desperately to fall asleep at night so I'll manage to get seven hours of sleep.  

To the five that I told...  Thank you for always supporting me, giving me helpful feedback when I ask for it, and taking a permanent seat in my corner.  I will make you proud one day soon.

On I trudge.


1 comment

  1. You already make me proud, for writing at all, and YES to that last sentence.


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